Friday, February 20, 2009

Just not that into you... (And Ellen, I do not see any space for a title... maybe the layout is different?)

So the year of 2008 was a difficult one, dating wise. Every time I found a guy to start liking, or as soon as I had a crush on one... I would find out he was dating someone, or engaged. No joke, this happened at least four times. So summer rolls around, and the only dates I had been on were blind dates set up by my roommates.
There was this guy at work that I was considering thinking was cute and that maybe I could be interested in... but no one ever seemed to notice me. So I told my friend at work about this, and he meddled. He is very, very good at that!
So this kid, lets call him... Trevor. He asked me out, and I got kinda overly excited cause he was the first guy all year to even ask me out --after which I found out my friend had convinced him to. ...oh well.

We go on a few dates and I am kind of unimpressed, but he is asking me out and he is the only guy to all year... so I keep going on dates. I'll be honest, I had missed attention from guys, I needed some affection. When you live away from home and you can go days, nay, weeks, without any affection... it gets to you. So... we started to watch movies (PS, message to all guys out there... I hate, Hate! going to movies on first dates. It always makes it awkward, cause you don't know if he wants to hold your hand already, and it is the first date! You don't get time to talk, and get to know each other... so it is not a good idea. Unless it is like an improv theater where they dub over the movie anyway, and everyone can talk... but eh... you should still do something more, vocal for the first date.)
Oh, right, back to the story of "Trevor". So, we have been on a few dates, made dinner for each other. I've noticed he kind of acts a little strange, like maybe not the best social skills, but whatever, no one is perfect. So, we are watching a movie or whatever... and we start to cuddle. Now, before you think, aww cute... let me tell you. He put his head on my shoulder.

Let me repeat this. He, the guy, put his head, yes, his... not pulling me to him to put me, the girls head on his shoulder, but his, the man, on my shoulder.

So, instead of making me feel protected and delicate and cutesy as a girl should feel... he made me feel like the masculine one. (Yes, I do have very nice and defined biceps, but that is merely a side note and just a cool thing about me.)
And to top it off, he kept moving his head, and it was kind of getting on my nerves.

Then comes the 4th of July. He invites me to have dinner with him, so I go over. Then it gets to be like ten or so, and we had been watching TV or playing rock band or something, and he is like, well its getting kind of late, maybe you should go home.

I'm thinking--fine, I'll go home. You keep putting your head on MY shoulder, twitching your head, and you keep rubbing your nose and it is bothering me. I get home to an empty house. I am alone, on the 4th of July. The same 4th of July that the prior year I had gotten a first kiss from "*ick Jerkham" So it was kind of a bad day to be alone, cause even though that jerk had been a scum bag and a cheaterface, at least I wasn't alone... so I was like be alone or call up an exboyfriend? (Just kidding, I never once thought about calling him up. I just felt lonely and sorry for myself)

So I am texting some friends and saying, wo is me... then I am like, man, if he was here on my front lawn with me watching the fireworks, and tried to kiss me, I would kiss him. Long story short, someone texted him and told him if he came to my house I would kiss him. Longer story short--He and I never talked about that. He never asked me if it was true, he never asked if I knew who did it... nada.
I believe he had fallen asleep.
At Ten.
On the 4th of July.

Anyway, finally I went to bed... probably around 11:30.

But for some reason, I kept going out with him. The end of the semester was looming. He asked me where I saw us going. He asked me to visit him during the summer break.

I bought a plane ticket for $250.

I go and visit him. its fun, we are friends, and by this point his twitchy head and nose obsession and random little farts had really started to be big things that bothered me. I never acknowledged that I noticed those things... but they honestly would piss me off...and kind of gross me out.

So, we are hanging out with his family and its all cool... then he tries to hold my hand...for the first time... in front of his family. Going into the shark exhibit... saying, I'm scared, hold my hand. I am like !!Gah! Again, with you being the girl and making me the masculine one, stop it! What he could have said that I may have thought was cute and sweet is, "Oh Jenni, if you get scared by these sharks you can hold my hand and I will protect you." But no. he got all girly and said, oh Jenni, I am a little girl please hold my hand!

...moving on.
The next day we go on a hike, sans the fam, and we are hiking... and we stop on this bridge overlooking a river. It is a popular stop for people to take pictures, and there are tons of kids and parents around. Thats when he turned to me and said, Would this be an okay place for a first kiss?

And thats when in my mind I was like, oh noooooooo! But, aloud I was very mature and cordial when I said, Oh my, there are tons of people around... and (as I am walking, very briskly, away...) I don't believe you should ask for a first kiss.
And as I am basically running away, I am thinking... do I want this guy to kiss me? I don't think I do. So I try to get to a spot with reception and text someone to help me with this decision... but I am afraid to stop hiking for fear that he will try to move in for the kill and I will vomit. He didn't try for the rest of the hike.

At the end of the day, I had talked to my mom and she said, well give him a chance, maybe when you kiss him you'll feel the sparks. (cause I wasn't feelin anything...except repulsion.)
So its like 9 pm.. and his family goes to bed early. And so everyone is in bed and I am like, yikes I better go to bed so he doesn't try anything. So I'm like, well I am off to bed. He walks me to my room and says, Can I give you a goodnight kiss? And I don't remember if I said anything, but he leaned in, gave me the kind of peck you give your grandmother, and turns and walks away.


I felt nothing. Actually, it felt like if you were to kiss a wall.
I am a romantic, and I guess I have requirements that were not met.
He didn't linger, he ran away.
He didn't push hair behind my ear... he barely even touched my lips with his...
and I realized in that moment that he could have done all those things and I still wouldn't have wanted him to kiss me, cause I didn't like him.
Sure, he is a great guy, amazing piano player actually, but I had no attraction to him.

So the next morning was my flight home, finally. We went to lunch before he took me to the airport. And I tried to not make eye contact cause I didn't want him to see that I had no feelings for him.
Then he needs to fill up with gas, and as we pull into the station he says, "Oh, I just realized I've payed for everything this week, would you mind splitting for gas?"

I almost lost it.... sure, he had payed for dinner, and a movie or two, and lunch that day, but his parents payed for me to go to the amusement park with them, and actually I think they gave him money to take me to the theater. ...and I had payed a grundle for the plane tickets... hello!! That is totally socially unacceptable! (At least by me... does anyone else agree?)

So I am like, sure... but all I have is a ten cause I don't normally keep cash on hand.

But inside I wanted to yell the aforementioned.

So he takes me to the airport, and he kissed me goodbye. I went home, didn't ever start texting him, and then when I came back out to school, I kind of fibbed and said that I had started dating someone. Through a text. Which is socially unacceptable... unless you are telling it to someone who has no social propriety.

Other things I couldn't stand about him:
his pleated pants.
when I gave him a massage he critiqued and said, something like if you want to be good, you do this. And I am like, whoa, I dated a kid whose mom was a massage therapist, and she taught me... and everyone has a different style, and the massages you give aren't that great but no other guy has been touching me so I let you.
the fact that he went to bed SUPER early.
he wore white socks with his dress slacks-- and he always wore sneakers with his dress pants.
ooh! This one killed me... he would always say We. We are hungry. We want to do this. We, We, we.... and did he ever ask me beforehand? NOPE. I do not like to be a we before I am ready. He did it from day one. I am very independent I guess... so that honestly killed me. grr... it makes me angry thinking about it now! haha

Anyway, any questions?


Summer said...

Wow! I can't believe you dated him for so long. I don't think you have to kiss somebody to know that there aren't sparks.

I hope you find the guy you're looking for soon. :)

Emily said...

I started to reply, but it got LONG, so I'll send it to your facebook inbox...

Meagan said...

Oh my gosh!!!! this is the craziest story I have ever heard! Who DOES THAT? It just kept getting crazier and crazier. At first I was laughing, and then all of the stuff was just INSANE?!!! This kid is so crazy! I can't believe you stuck around that long. I don't think it's right to ask for a kiss. You either do it or don't! If the receiver doesn't want one, they will turn their head. I was laughing thinking about you trying to find reception in the middle of nowhere! The jaw-dropping part for me, however, was the fact that he asked you to pay for gas...AND THE WAY HE ASKED IT!!! That was absolutely RIDICULOUS! Again I ask...WHO DOES THAT?! Wow... what an adventure... BLESS YOUR HEART!

Meagan said...

Oh and I forgot to mention that I loved that you went on a tangent in your parenthesis! Loved it! Of course I laughed so hard!